Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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