Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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