I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
