i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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