Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
