Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
