honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
