GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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