Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
