I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
