JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
