I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
