I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
This gyro tastes like lonliness
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
