Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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