you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
