the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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