I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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