Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
