I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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