So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
