She said her name was "party"
Church boner. Awkwardddd
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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