i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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