I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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