you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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