She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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