i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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