This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
