my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
