she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
