so that wasnt chicken after all
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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