she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize