You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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