This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
