the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
