Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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