I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
