I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
