we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
