your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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