I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
