i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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