I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i would one night stand the shit outta him
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
