the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
