It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
