To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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