I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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