are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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