when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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