I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
