We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize