can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
