apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
