Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
