She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
