i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
