your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
if i can run in heels then i can drive
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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