Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
