I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
