you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize