I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
