i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
