You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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