cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
