Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
