This is not my ceiling
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
