Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Two words: blizzard sex
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Randomize
