My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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