hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
