I hate all girls vehemently.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
