***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
