He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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