whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
