i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
