just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
