Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
