it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
