dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Randomize