Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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