well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
