I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
