she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
