20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize