I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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