Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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