at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
