It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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