Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
