He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
